Postpartum Depression May Be The Culprit Behind Why You Can't Connect With Your Baby

Baby blues are very common and affect most new mothers, however postpartum depression (PPD) is a phenomenon that occurs in mothers after delivery of their baby.

The signs and symptoms of postpartum depression are intense, long-lasting, and affect the daily functioning of the new mother. Here is what an expert and a woman who has experienced postpartum depression had to share with HerZindagi:

What Does Postpartum Depression Feel Like?

Postpartum depression has become quite prevalent in India in recent times. “Pre-pandemic only 5-10% of women had this illness, but after the pandemic a lot of things have changed because of social isolation and social distancing. Social safety nets have been shaken off which has increased the number of women facing this,” said Swati Mahajan, a psychologist. She feels the only silver lining to the pandemic was the increased awareness around mental health issues and more people opening up about their psychological problems.

The most common symptoms of the ailment are having severe mood swings, crying spells, difficulty bonding with the baby, withdrawing from loved ones, eating too much or loss of appetite, sleeping too much or overwhelming fatigue, and lack of interest in activities one previously used to enjoy. “Thoughts of harming the baby or self-harm and suicidal thoughts can also be present in more severe forms of PPD,” added Mahajan.

Pregnant mothers become the centre of attention in their families. “But as soon as the baby is born, the whole attention gets shifted to the baby which is a major reason that families tend to ignore signs of emotional distress in new mothers,” she said.

A Personal Account

“My postpartum period was rough, and my pregnancy was also a tougher phase because my grandmother passed away in the first month of pregnancy, my mother got diagnosed with cancer, my husband got dengue and my child got diagnosed with clubfoot within 20 weeks, which added to the already overburdening stress,” said Shreya Mitra.

The unfortunate circumstances did not end at that as Mitra got a brain haemorrhage post-delivery, which led her to travel far away from home for treatment. “Moreover, my son’s treatment for the clubfoot anomaly began and I was not present for the first few months after his birth, which proved to be emotionally challenging for me,” she said.

She realised after her delivery that the instantaneous bonding with her baby was not there. “I felt bogged down by that and questioned myself as to why I was not in love with my own baby. I wondered how mothers took such great care of their children. It felt as if the entire world was conspiring against me,” said Mitra.

Despite having ample family support, she believed she was a mess.

She visited several doctors, but not even a single practitioner explored the angle of mental health and they dismissed the diagnosis. She showed all signs of PPD, however it took her eight months to come to the conclusion that she was experiencing postpartum depression.

Recalling that horrid year, she said that she will never get that time back. “Being unaware that such an ailment existed, not knowing the symptoms, and not being informed about it were few of the reasons it took me so long to reach a diagnosis. I will never forget what a struggle it was to get out of bed everyday.”

For many people it was hard to believe that Mitra was going through PPD because she was a happy-go-lucky person before her pregnancy. And they believed that she had a good support-system and was unnecessarily cribbing. “I felt so trapped as I did not know why I was feeling this way,” she said.

The symptoms got better when she started taking medication for it, spent more time with her baby and got to step out of the house. “A lot of lifestyle changes helped me, like having a good diet and taking a walk out in the sun,” she said. She also planned date nights with her husband which not only improved their relationship, but subsided feelings of neglect.

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Misconceptions And Stereotypes Around Postpartum Depression

The most common misconception is that it is only baby blues and it will go away on its own. “These lead to new mothers not talking about their struggles,” says Mahajan.

Mitra added that after four years of advocating against the harms of PPD, she feels that it is still a taboo to talk about postpartum depression because of the guilt and shame associated with not being a good mother. “Earlier generations often say that they did not face this, so how can new mothers say that they are depressed. They think it is just an excuse to not perform their motherly responsibilities.”

Mahajan added that the feeling of being a failure is a symptom of PPD and not a reflection of how one is as a parent. There is also a huge stigma around it where people consider it to be a sign of weakness. “Nobody is a bad parent for being unable to take care of their child.”

Most people believe that psychiatric medications can be harmful for pregnancy. “However, there are a lot of safe alternatives available in the market,” added Mahajan.

Moreover, it is ignored that husbands face PPD as well. “Spouses having the illness make their partners more vulnerable to it. More than 10% of fathers experience PPD three to six months after the delivery,” said Mahajan.

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Advice For New Mothers

Contrary to popular belief, PPD cannot be prevented because it happens due to uncontrollable chemical changes in the brain. “Expecting mothers must visit a psychologist once every trimester to get a mental-health screening and identify red flags,” said Mahajan. She highlighted that psychotherapy is an essential part of treating PPD as it lends insight into one’s conditions, and helps alter thought patterns.

In Indian families there are many post-delivery rituals, where there is confinement of the baby and the mother for weeks. “I have heard that they miss their husbands during that time and complete isolation can worsen the symptoms,” she said.

Mahajan further expressed that new mothers should not compare themselves with others. “Parenting can look very different for different individuals, and one should avoid comparing themselves to other parents, Instagram bloggers or celebrity moms.”

Perceiving motherhood as a glorified period can also be dangerous. “One should expect some good days and some not so good ones. It is not all cheery and jolly,” points out Mahajan.

Recently, she had a patient who was intensively cleaning and scrubbing the house. “She would get very irritable when someone made a tiny mess. Continuously rubbing the sheets with disinfectants made her extremely exhausted,” she said.

To fill the emotional void, the patient began binge-eating, which made her rapidly gain weight. “She faced body-image issues and tried to hide her so-called flaws with filters. She also incessantly posted photographs of herself pre-pregnancy when she was fitter to gain validation on social media.”

After counselling, medications, and familial support she was able to heal. “Today, she is enjoying her motherhood,” said Mahajan.

Mahajan believes that other kinds of mental illnesses surrounding pregnancy such as perinatal depression (during or after pregnancy, most commonly due to infant disabilities, miscarriage, stillbirths, and terminations), postpartum anxiety and postpartum psychosis should be brought to the forefront.

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