Support For New Mothers: Most Crucial Aspect of Postpartum Healing; Here’s How To Ensure

Lack Of Support And A New Mother

A 2020 study done in Australia, published in PubMed Central, states that there’s an urgent need to build “better facilitated functional support overall” for a new mother.

Citing a 2004 finding, the paper said that women “face a range of barriers to seeking support. Emotional and appraisal supports are particularly required to facilitate open discussion and for the opportunity for those experiences to be validated and heard empathetically.”

In the absence of family, friends, and partners or even in their slight presence, ladies “seek the individualised, informal support of peers who can provide a semblance of familiarisation and understanding to what they may be experiencing, so they may begin to feel ‘normal’ amid the new paradigm of motherhood.”

Dr Smeet Patel, endometriosis specialist, at Mayflower Women’s Hospital, Ahmedabad, narrates his experience of dealing with new mothers when they visit his clinic. He says that on her last prenatal appointment, she was all hopeful, glowing, and excited.

“A few weeks later, she’s back. Same woman, different energy. She’s tired. Eyes heavy. She’s smiling, but it’s not real. That’s the gap—between what we prepare women for and what motherhood actually feels like,” he points out.

Now Why Does That Happen?

The explanation is pretty easy if you consider science and simple biology. “After delivery, the body is healing from something big. Whether it's a vaginal birth or a C-section, it's a medical event. Muscles torn, organs shifted, hormones crashing. On top of that, the baby needs round-the-clock attention,” Dr Smeet Patel adds.

I am a mother myself but fortunate enough to get ample assistance from my mother. Even though I delivered a few months before COVID-19 left the entire system paralysed, my journey has been far from tumultuous, all thanks to that woman. However, not all are that lucky.

Pooja Sinha (48), a mother of two grown-up daughters, shares her experience. “I didn't receive much support from my in-laws after delivery. I developed an infection and needed surgery, and my mother-in-law explicitly stated that they couldn't manage both mother and baby. She insisted I be sent to my maternal home, believing my mother and sister-in-law would be better able to care for me and the baby. This lack of support during such a vulnerable time was particularly challenging.”

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She faced the same situation during both her postpartum periods. Anuradha Gupta (35), who welcomed her child in 2023, picks out one “incredibly” tough phase after her delivery. She says that feeding her daughter with a “steel bowl and spoon instead of a bottle” put immense pressure on her. Her inability to breastfeed the newborn was a difficult time. However, she emphasises that more than physical assistance, “I needed mental support during that time. For those six months, I felt like my life had completely changed. I wished someone would just sit with me all the time and talk. I really needed counseling.”

And this is the most pivotal aspect of postpartum recovery.

Good Support Can Do Wonders to A New Mother

Dr Patel attests that it’s a “lonely place” emotionally.

“Some women tell me they feel like they’re disappearing. They don’t feel like themselves anymore. Everyone wants to hold the baby, but who holds the mother? That question comes up a lot, silently. You see it in their eyes,” he points out.

A woman, who has never been a mother, enters an unknown territory after childbirth and is expected to know everything about how to tend to the newborn. This puts a heavy, invisible load on her shoulders, which needs to be noticed beyond a “Congratulations” and a follow-up date.

“Breastfeeding struggles, pain during feeding, low supply, or oversupply—all of these things push mothers towards guilt. It’s intense. But when there’s someone there—whether it’s a lactation counselor, another mom, or a nurse—she doesn’t feel like she’s failing,” he mentions.

Mahima Bhatnagar (26), mother to a single child born in 2022, gushes about the aid she received from her in-laws. “I got a lot of physical and mental support during my pregnancy and motherhood. This helped me maintain good health. After some months of my pregnancy, my mother-in-law supported me in doing all the things in which I am interested.”

Samvida Tiwari (38), mother of two children born in 2014 and 2017, had a similar tale to tell. She shares that her mother-in-law and husband came together to give whatever help they could. They took care of her diet and created a shift system, where they would sleep for a particular number of hours to ensure each of them got enough rest.

“This experience taught me that when the entire family comes together to care for the baby, the mother faces no significant challenges. Husbands and wives need to support each other equally and involve other family members in childcare responsibilities. By doing so, we can build a healthy and happy family, where everyone contributes and thrives,” she ends it on a positive note.

Echoing Samvida’s thought, Dr Patel highlights that support needn’t be something mountainous. It can be “anything—someone bringing her food, someone holding the baby while she showers, someone telling her, “You’re doing okay.” Even other moms going through the same thing at the same time—those bonds are powerful. They don’t solve problems, but they remind her she’s not crazy, she’s not broken, and she’s not alone.”

This makes support a “critical” aspect of a mother’s healing. “When a new mother doesn’t sleep, her healing is slower. Her mood changes. Her capacity to bond with the baby is affected. Many women don’t know they’re slipping into postpartum depression until they’re deep in it. A supportive environment often spots these signs earlier than the mother herself can.”

He, however, points out that when fathers, partners, and other significant people in a new mother’s circle fail to understand what to do, doctors like him should step in. He admits that it’s only recently that he has been asking new mothers about their physical, mental, and emotional wellbeing.

“I connect them with therapists, counselors, or other mothers when needed. I ask them who’s with them at home. Who’s in their corner? Because sometimes, no one has asked them that yet.”

In his practice, he has also had women expressing their apprehensions of asking for help. “They’re told things like, “Your mother did this without any help,” or “This is what motherhood is.” That kind of thinking isolates women. It adds shame to what is already an overwhelming time. Some women live in joint families and still feel alone.”

However, even if no one is around, the new mothers should build their tribe of support. No need to have a big one, just “two or three people you can count on can make the hard days survivable. Ask for help. Say it clearly. Don’t try to carry it all just because you think you should. (Meanwhile), support isn’t a luxury. It’s a part of healing. It’s a part of becoming a mother—not just surviving it,” Dr Smeet Patel wraps up.

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