Yes I Am A Mom And I Don't Need The Good Mother Label

Ten months into motherhood and can say that it isn't the easiest of journeys. I am grateful for my little one, the joy my daughter filled my life with. Having said that, I am still overcoming the set of challenges this new role of a mother got me. Giving birth, welcoming a new member in the family and getting a new identity post-delivery, it is all overwhelming, to say the least.

Honestly, challenges like sleep deprivation, anxiety, soreness, swollen breasts are only added pressures on a new mother. The real push comes from the people around, oddly, the majority of it coming from our people.

As unreal as it might sound, while you are coping up with your physical and mental vulnerabilities, people around you only expect perfection from you. 'Now your baby should be the priority, good mothers think of themselves last', 'don't even think of getting back to work, your baby looks weak, now your focus should be her', 'you spend the whole day at office, how will your baby connect with you?', the remarks are vicious and unsolicited.

Strangely, everything you do suddenly is connected to the notion of a good mother. Look up the term 'good mother' on the net and thousands of articles suggest tips for new moms to become one. 'A good mother always puts her baby before herself', 'A good mother is always around the baby', 'A good mother never hurts her child', and the list is never-ending. But does it work? Maybe for some.

Bursting The Bubble

To be honest, pre-delivery, the idea of becoming a ‘good mother' was deeply ingrained in my mind. I read books and prepped myself to eventually become one. However, little did I know about the price I had to pay to be called a good mother. The pressure to become one is bizarre.

Six hours post delivering my baby, I was asked to sit back and breastfeed (breastfeeding tips) my baby. The next day I was walking around the room, sleep deprived, trying to put my little girl to sleep. As a new mother, you are on duty from the minute you wake up, until you go to bed (if you ever get a chance to!) I felt stifled. Over time, I got used to the routine but I felt a big part of me was lost. I wanted to get back to the old me but failed terribly every time I tried.

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I couldn't wait to resume my regular life and finally, the day came. I looked forward to joining back my office, dressing up again, meeting my friends. What followed was the abashing by my inner circle but there came a time when I didn't give two hoots about it.

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Months later today, I am a working mother who gets just a few hours to spend with her munchkin, who enjoys being at work and also loves playing fun games with her baby. The shaming hasn’t stopped but does it bother me anymore? No. It took me time to realise that the caregiving was all going in vain if I lost myself. I am still trying to fit back all the pieces into the frame but I feel I am almost there. Conclusively, no matter who belittles me for prioritising myself and labels me as ‘not a good mother’, I say, I am a mother and that’s enough!