Being A Brown Daughter: When I Wasn't Given A Voice In Family Decisions

Were you someone who was asked to go to the other room when the family sat together for a serious discussion? Well, it's not just you! I am a brown daughter and like many other girls across this country, I too didn't get an opportunity to participate in most family decisions. Initially, I would be furious and run away to my room and sob until someone would come up and engage me in another activity. As years passed and I began to understand why it was purposely done, I gave up to the reasoning and no longer felt bad.

Why The Discrimination?

Though there weren't any barriers for me on the educational front, my grandma ensured I learned all the mantras of becoming an ideal daughter-in-law when I turned of age. Every now and then she would train me on household chores, cooking skills, and other behavioural subjects bahus are expected to ace. The idea of being a girl who has to eventually go to her own house was deeply ingrained in my mind. "Jab tum apne ghar jaogi, waha tumhe he sab sambhalna hoga" (when you will go to your own home, you will have to manage everything) – was what I got when I started questioning the elder members of my family on not involving me in family discussions. Even though I was the most loved member of the family, I was taught that it wasn't my place . My grandma and mother would often console me later to ensure I wasn't taking it to heart, they would also share anecdotes so it was easier for me to relate.

As I evolved, I felt it wasn't just me. My mother too was subjected to the inequity. Even though she would be in attendance along with other family members while everyone sat down to make important decisions, she never had a say. Minutes later being in the room with everyone, she would come out and get to her regular household chores. She would often comfort me by telling me that women aren't decision-makers, for us, the majority of decisions were made by others and this is how it has been for ages. (Raising children without gender biases)

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Earlier this year, a study suggested that most women don't take financial decisions in the country. No wonder! Unawareness around investments, lack of funds, and being deemed as second-class citizens, all contribute to women failing to make financial decisions even today.

Is Root Cause Elimination Possible?

The world continues to debate over gender equality and if you ask my take, we have a long way to go. Even though a majority of women are active in the workforce today, not all of them have managed to get an equal status at their homes, amidst their loved ones. Most people expect us working women to ace the juggling act of housework and office work, however, little are they ready to offer us equality in all spheres.

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Daughters in India are either 'paraya dhan' or 'lacking'. We are none. You call us better off today? We aren't, we crave our own space, give us a voice. Just like any, we want to be heard, we want to be decision-makers too. Taking away the decision-making power alone can scar a woman's mind forever, and make her feel helpless, weighed down, and insecure.