Closeted narcissists, also known as covert narcissists, are people who display narcissistic tendencies in less obvious and subtle ways. In contrast to classic narcissists who might aim for attention, covert narcissists frequently seek approval in private and may seem modest or weak in order to conceal their underlying need for acclaim. It can be difficult to identify them because they frequently come across as self-sacrificing or introspective. An inability to empathise with others, intolerance to criticism, passive-aggressive behaviour, and a subtle but underlying attitude of entitlement are all important indicators.
“They can be difficult to identify because they frequently appear self-centred or even introspective. Passive-aggressive behaviour, sensitivity to criticism, a lack of empathy, and a deeper sense of entitlement that manifests subtly are all important indicators,” said Dipti Patwari, Counselling psychologist at LISSUN (Mental Health Platform).
Signs Of A Closeted Narcissist
When you closely look at a person with CNPD attentively, you will see that they have all the primary traits linked to NPD:
- Unstable sense of self.
- Selfishness.
- Obsession with status.
- Whole object relations are absent.
- Object consistency is lacking.
- Inability to empathize.
- Easily set off by tiny slights that most people would ignore.
- Jealousy of other people's accomplishments, possessions, and self-assurance.
- Fear of being seen as insufficient in public.
Dating A Closeted Narcissist
“It can be emotionally draining to date a closeted narcissist because they may exert control through subtle manipulation, guilt, or silent treatment. It's common for partners to feel like they're "walking on eggshells," not knowing what could make someone respond negatively,” said Dipti.
Tips To Manage Relationship With A Closeted Narcissist
It can also be powerful to identify their tendencies and realise that their actions are a result of their fears rather than your shortcomings. Here are the ways to manage your relationship with a coveted narcissist:
Set Firm Boundaries
Setting firm boundaries and preserving your emotional independence should be your top priorities if you are dealing with a closeted narcissistic personality. Remain composed and forceful to avoid giving in to their covert tactics or guilt-tripping.
Prioritise Straightforward Conversation Instead Of Confronting Them
Acknowledge that their actions are a result of deep-seated fears but avoid the temptation to correct or overaccommodate them as this may encourage their tendencies. Avoid provoking their hypersensitivity by focusing on non-confrontational, straightforward communication and rephrasing conversations around common objectives or solutions.
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Put Your Mental Health First
“Above all, put your own mental health first, get help from people you can trust, and be ready to end the relationship if it starts to become poisonous or emotionally taxing. Ultimately, it's critical to put your own mental health and well-being first, even though empathy can help you connect with closeted narcissists,” said Dipti.
You can manage your feelings and make the decision to stay in the relationship if it turns poisonous by getting advice from a therapist or other reliable person.
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