What Is Emotional Abuse: 5 Key Signs You Shouldn’t Ignore

When we think of abuse, the mind often jumps to physical violence. However, emotional and verbal abuse can be equally damaging, even though they are often not treated with the same seriousness. Emotional abuse is a silent destroyer of mental health, gradually chipping away at one’s confidence, self-worth, and emotional stability. Recognising the signs is essential for protecting your well-being. We spoke to Dr Santosh Bangar, Senior Consultant Psychiatrist at Gleneagles Hospitals in Parel, Mumbai, about the 5 key signs of emotional abuse you shouldn’t ignore. 

What Is Emotional Abuse?

Emotional abuse is a form of mistreatment that can completely damage an individual’s emotional well-being. According to Dr Santosh Bangar, emotional abuse often goes unrecognised but can have a long-lasting impact on a person’s mental health. "It can lead to stress, anxiety, depression, and significantly lower one’s self-esteem," Dr. Bangar explains. Emotional abuse can occur in any relationship—be it with a friend, family member, or romantic partner—and typically involves a variety of tactics, such as manipulation, verbal attacks, and gaslighting.

The emotional toll of this abuse can be severe, affecting not just how the victim feels but how they view themselves. This form of abuse slowly undermines their confidence, making them feel insignificant or worthless. Dr. Bangar warns that, if left unchecked, emotional abuse can leave deep psychological scars and have long-term effects on one's mental health and overall quality of life.

5 Signs of Emotional Abuse You Shouldn’t Ignore

Recognising emotional abuse early can be key to minimising its harmful effects. Here are five critical signs that Dr. Bangar advises everyone to watch for:

1. Excessive Monitoring or Control

Does someone in your life constantly ask where you are, demand to check your phone, or micromanage your daily activities? This form of over-controlling behaviour is a strong indicator of emotional abuse. "This excessive control reflects a lack of trust and an unhealthy need to dominate the victim," explains Dr Bangar. When someone feels the need to monitor your every move, it can severely restrict your freedom and sense of autonomy.

2. Constant Blaming

If someone close to you frequently blames you for their problems, it’s another red flag. Emotional abusers may make you feel responsible for their own emotional states, using phrases like, “This is all because of you” or “You always ruin things.” According to Dr Bangar, "Being made to feel guilty for someone else’s feelings or behaviour can cause tremendous emotional distress." It’s important to understand that you are not responsible for how others feel.

3. Gaslighting

Gaslighting is a manipulative tactic where the abuser makes the victim doubt their own thoughts, feelings, or memories. They might deny something they said or did in an attempt to make you feel like you are "crazy" or imagining things. "Gaslighting creates confusion and self-doubt, and over time, it can erode the victim’s sense of reality," says Dr. Bangar. This tactic makes the victim question their own sanity, further deepening the emotional abuse.

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4. Selective Affection

One key sign of emotional abuse is when someone only shows affection or love when you behave according to their expectations. If you disagree or fail to meet their demands, they may withdraw all affection, leaving you feeling abandoned. "In healthy relationships, love and support are unconditional," explains Dr. Bangar. Emotional abusers, however, use affection as a tool for control, creating an unhealthy dynamic that can make the victim feel like they are always walking on eggshells.

5. Frequent Mood Swings

Emotional abusers often have erratic mood swings, shifting quickly from being affectionate to angry or cold. This unpredictability creates a volatile environment where the victim never knows what to expect. "The victim may feel like they are living with a ticking bomb, which constantly triggers anxiety and emotional instability," Dr Bangar observes. Over time, this inconsistency can wear down the victim’s mental resilience, making it harder for them to feel emotionally secure.

Emotional abuse can be just as damaging as physical abuse, though it often goes unnoticed or unaddressed. As Dr. Santosh Bangar emphasises, "Emotional abuse can leave deep psychological scars if it is not identified and addressed in time." 

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