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How to Raise Kids That Have Strong Independent Minds

A lot of parents wonder how can they raise a confident child. Here is a quick guide.
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Published -12 Oct 2021, 09:00 ISTUpdated -12 Oct 2021, 09:50 IST
riddhi deorah tips raising kids confidence

Parents are often concerned when it comes to teaching their children confidence. A lot of them don't know how to help their child who is struggling with self esteem

Model Confidence Yourself

Only confident parents can raise confident kids. Make sure that you model confidence for your child.  This means that if you have something challenging to take care of, stay calm and composed. Look at the positive side of things before you start to panic and stress. 

Remember your child is always mirroring you. By modelling confidence, I don't mean that you pretend to be 100% normal when you aren't honestly feeling that way. What I mean is that you can acknowledge your stress and anxiety but not get consumed by it. 

Encourage Your Child To Try New Things 

As parents we must try to expose our children to new experiences and activities. However, there is a huge difference between introducing and forcing. 

When you introduce your child to new things, give them some time to explore and learn how it works.  Don’t try to rush them.  Don’t deprive them from the joy of learning. 

When they spend some time learning the new activity, they start to believe that they can understand new things and activities on their own. 

This really improves their overall confidence. This is such an important skill to have even when they are much older and have to tackle new challenges that come their way. 

Don’t Let Mistakes Stop Your Child 

It is important that you don’t always expect your child to do everything right. Mistakes are a part of learning new things.  You don’t want your child to be afraid of making mistakes.  Instead you want to tell your child that it is completely okay to make mistakes. 

You want to tell your child that he/she must learn from his/her mistakes instead of feeling bad about making a mistake.  This will enable your child to try new things without being afraid of making mistakes.  Remember, the famous Thomas Edison made 1000 unsuccessful attempts before he invented the light bulb. 

Allow Kids To Fail

As parents we always want to prevent our kids from failing in a school exam, from losing a football match, from losing a race, etc. We want to emotionally protect them from the feeling of failure. However, by doing so we are doing more harm than good.  Kids need to understand that it is okay to fail and that failure is a stepping stone to success.  Kids need to know that through exploration, effort and hard work they can always move closer to success.

riddhi deorah parenting

Kids who have never tasted failure find it very difficult to face challenges later in life.  For example, if you are racing with your child, don’t always let them come first. Let them lose a few times and then let them win a few times when you can see that they are really trying very hard to win. By doing so you are sending the right message to your child. You are telling your child that it is okay to lose/ fail and that by working hard they can always change their failures into success. 

Praise Your Child’s Efforts 

Do not focus on praising the outcome and your child too much. Instead try to focus on the effort and the process.  When you focus on the child you lead to what is called the “I am attitude” or the fixed mindset.  Fixed mindset is a mindset that is not open to change. 

Avoid using phrases such as “You are the best”, ‘you are great”, “you are amazing”, “you are the prettiest”, etc.  These phrases will make it very tough for your child to adjust

in places where they are not the best, prettiest or smartest. Instead focus on the process. For example, “I like that you are trying to wear a new colour today, it suits you.”, “I like how you put some toys back in place today”, “I like how you are trying to solve this problem”, etc.  When you focus on the process you tell your child that by trying new things they can get better results. 

This results in your child having a growth mindset. Growth mindset is a mindset that allows for change and is willing to experiment new things. Hence, always appreciate your child’s efforts. 

Help kids identify their passion

kids passion confidence

Help your child find the things that they are good at. Being good/ better at something can really help improve their confidence and self -esteem. You don’t want to push your child to be good at everything.  Instead you want them to get better at what they are good at and enjoy doing. 

This will really help improve their self worth and they might also end up pursuing it professionally when they grow older. 

Goal Setting 

Help you kids set goals and then show them how they can take small actionable steps in order to achieve their short term and long term goals. 

For example, if you child wants to play cricket for the Indian team, then the long term goal is to get selected for thenational team and the short term goal can be to play at a

regional level. Action steps to achieve the goal can be - Eat healthy, exercise regularly, practise everyday and work on his mental strength. 

Now your child knows that he needs to do all of this in order to move closer to his goal.  Try and help your child get clarity about the action steps.  By starting this at a younger age you are encouraging him/her to do so on his/her own when he/she has new goals that he/she set for himself/herself. This is a great way to boost his/her confidence and the possibility of achieving this/her goals.

Ask Them To Help Out 

Kids feel very empowered and a sense of self worth when they are asked to do work that adults do.  Let your child help out with age appropriate tasks. For example, turning on and off the lights, washing the vegetables, setting the table, selecting his/her clothes, doing things for the younger sibling, etc. 

Being a part of the family chores and responsibilities makes them feel very confident and invaluable.  This also sets them up to take on new responsibilities with a sense of confidence. 

Being Imperfect is Normal 

As adults we know that there is no such thing as being perfect. It is important that we send the same message to our children and educate them that there is no such thing as being perfect. 

Being real, honest, authentic and comfortable is what really matters. When kids learn this at a younger age, they have realistic expectations from themselves and others.  This helps improve their self worth and confidence. 

Let Them Succeed 

kids confidence parenting tips

It is okay to involve our kids in challenging activities, but it is even more important to strike a good balance. Constantly exposing them to activities that they find very difficult to tackle can really reduce their confidence and self worth.  It is important to sometimes let them do things that they can easily tackle and are good at. This will improve their confidence and they will be ready to take on new challenges. 

Express Your Love And Tell your child that you love him/her

It is important that you tell your child that you love him/her just as he/she is irrespective of the failures and success.  Tell your child that you love them for who they are and not for what they do.  Tell your child that you are always there for them.  This feeling of love and support will really help increase his/ her confidence and self worth. 

Now you know the recipe for raising kids that have strong independent minds. You have the recipe but if you want to see the results you better start cooking. 

It's better to start small rather than just thinking about doing it all at once.  I am sure if you do this or even if you start by just doing some of it, you will start to notice the change in your child’s overall confidence and attitude.

Written By - Riddhi Deorah 

(Riddhi Deorah is a parenting expert and influencer. She is also the founder of Easy Parenting Hub.)

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