“For me, being a trans-man in India is suffocating because I have to fit into a box… a box of masculinity,” said Paras Dogra during an Instagram live session with HerZindagi. He is an LGBTQ+ activist and motivator and works as the project manager with Transgender India, an organisation that offers legal aid to queer people and helps them with social, medical, and psychological transitions. It offers guidance to LGBTQ+ people who want to undergo surgery or start with hormone replacement therapy.
In our latest conversation around Pride Month and the struggles of the transgender community, Dogra shared his experience of growing up as a trans-man, surviving abuse, and trying to fit into the constructs created by society.
HerZindagi’s Living With Pride is a campaign working towards highlighting the struggles of the LGBTQ+ community. This is our small effort to cover stories left, right, and centre to break taboos, shatter myths, present facts, and amplify the conversation around inclusivity.
Dogra was living in Jaipur, Rajasthan, with his maternal grandparents and “it was pretty abusive,” he added. He came out as a gay transgender man in 2020 and struggled to get accepted.
He said many transgender people did not accept his gender identity because they said he looked like a girl, and he liked men. This started his journey to study gender identity and sexuality. “One’s gender identity and sexuality are completely different things,” he said.
Struggles Of The Transgender Community
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People from the transgender community struggle to get educated and secure a job to sustain a living. They cannot get a job in management or hold offices in the higher departments of the government because society is discriminatory towards them.
He said, “Our country has failed to provide transgender people with a safe working space. Therefore, many people have to beg or opt for survival sex working to earn a living.”
Many transgender people are struggling to get educated. “Even healthcare is quite expensive.” Most people cannot afford surgery which is a means for many transgender people to live with dignity. He added that transgender shelter homes in India are not getting any donations from the government of India.
Since many families of transgender kids are not supportive, they often run away from home and take shelter in these homes. If proper aid is not provided to these places, these homes will shut down, and transgender people will become homeless.
If education is provided, transgender people would not have to beg or sell their bodies to earn a living. “We should be in the army, police, government office,” Dogra added.
Can’t Explore My Expressions’
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Being a trans-man, Dogra said that it is suffocating for him because he does not fit into the construct of masculinity. “If I do not fit into the box, I might get harassed,” he added.
Dogra said,” Cis-men will not see me as a man, and they will think that they can do anything with me.” This misogynist and patriarchal thinking is prominent because society has different boxes for different gender. “I can’t explore my expression, I can’t explore who I am,” he said.
Dogra believes that the lack of education within the transgender community makes people believe that trans-man cannot be gay. They should date or be attracted to cis-women or trans-women, which further inhibits gay transgender people from exploring their sexuality.
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Demands Of The Transgender Community
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Paras Dogra listed five things that the transgender community has been asking the government. This includes:
- Horizontal reservation, which facilitates the government to reserve seats in educational institutions for disadvantaged groups in society.
- There should be affordable healthcare, and procedures must be updated to facilitate transgender people to undergo safe surgeries.
- Transgender-friendly offices so that people do not have to beg or be sex workers for survival. People can connect with Periferry, an organisation helping LGBTQ+ connect with inclusive and transgender-friendly workspaces.
‘I Used To Disregard My Gender Identity’
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While growing up, Paras said, “I used to hate myself.” He found the courage to accept his identity after going to therapy. He felt it was unnatural for him to feel a disconnection between how his body looked and his gender identity and sexuality.
“I used to disregard my identity. I had internalised homophobia,” he added. It took Dogra a long time to accept himself, his identity, and his sexuality.
He urges educational institutions to include sex education in their curriculum and teach youth about sex, gender identities, sexual orientation, and preferences. It would help to make society inclusive and might end discrimination against the LGBTQ+ community someday.
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