Being single in your thirties can sometimes be truly challenging. We all have those moments where we are left wondering “if I haven’t found someone by now, will I ever?”. Our mind is plagued with questions on finding love, that we not only have no answers to but somewhere slowly but surely, we start to lose hope. However, do we ever stop to think about what being single at this age brings to the table? Are these questions even valid or are we single shaming ourselves while no one else really is?

Shahzeen Shivdasani, Relationship Expert and Millennial author of the book Love, Lust and Lemons, shared with HerZindagi that you should take a look at the pressure you bring to your love life."

Here are some ways listed by Shivdasani on how you can deal with this situation.

Comparing Yourself To Others


Your friends are married and are now having babies, aren’t they? You watch them and wonder, have I missed the boat? But have you ever stopped to think that maybe they look at your life and wonder what it would be like to have freedom and none of the responsibility? See, that’s the thing about comparing yourself to others, the grass always looks greener when you look at the garden from outside.

Accepting Your Journey

single acceptance

So what if things didn’t pan out the way you thought they would. So what if you did not get married at the age you thought you would or that one relationship you thought would work out, did not. Everyone has their own journey and their own lessons to learn. Some of us have to taste every colour of the rainbow before finding the pot of gold in the end while others don’t. If it is taking you longer to find love at least you get to experience more adventures till you do.

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Clarity On Who You Are

The best thing about being in your thirties is hopefully by now you have a clearer picture about who you are and what it is you are looking for in a person. This means that you know all about red flags and broken hearts. Which also translates to knowing how to not waste your time. You are independent, strong, level-headed, and can go after what you want while already having learned key lessons in the dating game.

"Sometimes we put so much importance on our lives not panning out in the time frame we had hoped it would, that we forget how lucky we are today. We bring ourselves, anxiety and stress and focus only on the negative. Look around you, are you happy? Is your life filled with friends, family, laughter, moments that you are still going to remember years from now? Because, if you have all that then you already have companionship, and isn't that what a partner will ultimately bring to the table?" said Shivadasani.

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Do we single shame ourselves when everything we truly seek from a partnership, we already have in one form or another?

Stay tuned to HerZindagi for more on relationships, and a deeper understanding of who you are.