The news of Neeraj Solanki, a 32-year-old man from Delhi allegedly starving his 3-day-old twin daughters to death left us all shaken to our core recently. He buried them in Pooth Kalan village on the outskirts of Delhi, according to reports. All of this because he wanted to have a son!
Well, this won’t be the first time that the female gender has suffered at the hands of ‘greed for a son’ and from the looks of it, nor will this be the last. Going by data, the National Crime Records Bureau (NCRB), earlier this year, revealed that there has been a 12.9% increase in the rate of crimes against women in India from 2018 to 2022. For the unversed, this data is calculated as crimes per 1,00,000 women. It’s not like the world has been all shush-shush about the horrific reality and yet, despite all the protection acts and laws, the situation just keeps getting worse.
In another incident, the Hyderabad police allegedly arrested a father who sold his 18-day-old daughter to a childless couple for ₹1 Lakh. According to the reports, the man (whose name remains hushed) already has a six-year-old son and sold the daughter to curb his financial crises despite his wife’s opposition. He allegedly threatened his wife saying that he’d divorce her if she didn’t accept the plan.
We got in touch with Dr Rahul Chandhok, head psychiatrist and head consultant of Mental Health and Behavioural Science at the Artemis Hospitals and asked him some questions to understand why some people are willing to kill their daughters because of their need to have a son.
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To this question, the expert replied, “The psychology behind resorting to violence for a male successor often originates from deep-rooted cultural and societal norms that value sons over daughters. This preference can be associated with patriarchal structures where males are seen as carriers of the family name, providers, and protectors. When this desire is not fulfilled, it can manifest in extreme actions driven by a sense of failure, social pressure, or perceived loss of honour. Cognitive dissonance and frustration can escalate into violent behaviour as individuals grapple with their unmet expectations and societal conditioning.”
The expert said, “While the desire for a male heir is not exactly a mental disorder, the extreme actions taken, such as killing, may indicate underlying psychological issues. These actions could be associated with personality disorders, severe stress, or psychotic episodes where judgment and empathy are severely impaired. Furthermore, cultural and familial pressures can exacerbate these conditions, pushing people with latent mental health issues towards drastic and violent measures. However, it is critical to distinguish cultural influences from clinical mental disorders, as not all cases of gender-based violence are consequences of mental illness.”
“One theory is that while the preference for sons is widespread in certain cultures, the majority do not resort to violence due to various factors including legal consequences, moral values, and empathy. The Social Learning Theory posits that such behaviour is learned through observing others and the consequences of those behaviours. People who witness or grow up in environments where violence is normalised and women are devalued may be more likely to resort to extreme measures. Conversely, those exposed to egalitarian values and strict legal frameworks are less likely to act violently despite cultural preferences,” Dr Rahul explained.
We also talked to Shreya Sharma, a lawyer and the founder of Rest The Case, about the legal consequences for such offenders.
The lawyer said that the man would likely face multiple charges, including:
The expert told us that if a psychological disorder, such as an obsessive condition related to having a son is identified, the following steps would likely be taken:
In such cases, the Court is most likely to consider the following:
We asked some people from different walks of life to share their experiences citing incidents where girls have been discriminated against because well, they are not sons! We received some truly eye-opening quotes.
“Why blame society when our own mothers treat us indifferently? I've grown up listening to things like don't try to act as equal to your brother, be within your limits, of course, your brother won't do this stuff as he is a boy and so on. It feels disheartening coming from your mother,” said Aparna, a 25-year-old journalist at a media company.
Roma, 27 years old, highlighted how the change has to begin at home for there to be any improvement saying, “If more people in our country were educated, they would realise that the chromosome responsible for the foetus' sex actually comes from the man. The woman has absolutely no contribution in determining that. So, if you have to blame someone, blame the man. Since women are only considered as baby-making machines here, treat it the same way. You don't blame the machine, you blame the operator for what they put in. Jokes aside, educating people about this is important. Also, the reason we need to protect our daughters is because of how society has been made unsafe for them, all thanks to patriarchy. Again, blame the men. Women have, for long, carried the burden of men's wrongdoings. Our society has been constructed as such. All the rules are made in a way to punish women, while men continue to benefit."
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“I feel privileged to have been born into a family with a feminist father. However, when people learn that we are two sisters, they pity my parents, assuming they will have no one to care for them in their old age. I’ve never understood why society considers daughters as "Paraya Dhan," viewing them as not part of their own families. My parents raised me to be independent, just like any son. Yet, after marriage, it’s deemed normal for me to support my partner’s family while my own parents, who nurtured me my entire life, are left to fend for themselves. I’ve always noticed that in families with both sons and daughters, daughters often receive fewer privileges. For instance, my best friend’s family, they were eager to marry her off to relieve themselves of the so-called burden. Her brothers had the upper hand in all family matters, her opinions were disregarded, and her mistakes were punished more severely, while her brothers were often left untouched,” shared Shimran, 24-year-old.
Shruti who is in her early 30s said, “Even in my family I have faced similar issues. we are two sisters and my ancestral property is divided between my Chachas as they have sons. We were not allowed to eat our favourite food during childhood as we would get fat, then nobody would marry us and they'd have to give more dowry. Thankfully, my father and mother got separated from the family.”
I also talked to my mom who is in her early 50s. She gave birth to three daughters and faced a lot of bias from the family. “My mother-in-law would always put the women in my family who had sons first and pass snide comments about me only having daughters,” she said.
Jeevika, a 16-year-old, said, "Sometimes, I don't get permission to go out while my brother doesn't have to ask for it twice. I feel like I would have had more independence as a son. For instance, now if I have to go trekking or even just for a stroll, I have to consider my whole wardrobe because 'what would other people think of me?"
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