Even in 2023, there is a lot of stigma around sex, pleasure and gender identities. People do not comprehend what they cannot understand. Orthodox minds are quick to judge rather than understand that each relationship is different and if something does not fit the construct of binary, does not mean it is a red flag to pinpoint.
The journey of Shweta Sangtani, Co-founder of Sangya Project, has been about living life on her terms. She has been unapologetic about her gender identity, being a part of a throuple and creating a sexual wellness brand with her partners that unabashedly talks about anything and everything related to pleasure and sex.
From Lawyer To Sex Educator
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Sangtani is a litigating lawyer who graduated in 2010. As a student, she worked in an organisation which spread awareness regarding HIV/AIDS and its prevention. When Tanisha RK and Aashish Mehrotra embarked on their journey with the Sangya Project, Sangtani thought it was time to hop on the wagon.
“It was something I was passionate about,” she said. With Sangya, it felt like an opportunity to get back to doing what she loved - spreading awareness and educating people. “I thought, why not? Since two people that I love, look up to and respect so much are doing it, Sangya already had that foundation,” Sangtani said.
Sex Toys Are Not Banned In India
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Section 292 of the Indian Penal Code (IPC) describes a ban on obscene materials, including books, papers, pamphlets, paintings, drawings, figures and writings. “However, it does not explicitly say that sex toys are banned,” informed Sangtani during an HZ Women of the Month live session on Instagram.
“It is just a misinterpretation of the law,” Sangtani said, adding, “Even the definition of obscenity is not clear.” There have been many judgements in the past where it was noted that you cannot call anything obscene just because it is related to sex, talks about sex or nudity.
“Sex toys are not banned in India but the law has been misinterpreted over the years.”
Sale Of Sex Toys Shot Up By 65% During The Pandemic
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In a survey conducted by ThatsPersonal.com in 2020, the sale of sex toys shot up by 65% across India after the lockdown happened. Sangtani said that Covid-19 made people realise their priorities.
“It made people realise the value of the human touch. They have understood the value of spending time with their loved ones,” she added. More and more people are finding it safe to explore their sexualities and talk about them. Sangtani believes that over time, people have understood that sex is not just about reproduction, it is more about pleasure.
Sangtani said that with Sangya, they offered a platform where people could know that they are not alone in feeling certain things, other people feeling the same way, have similar experiences.
Safe Sex Is About Consent
Speaking about safe sex, Sangtani shared with us that safety means consent. It does not apply only to the act of sex, but how you get there, how you do it and what types of contraceptives you use.
It is about two people or more involved in the act of communicating what they want and how they feel about it. For Sangtani, safe sex is a blend of all these.
Recognition Of LGBTQ+ Relationships By Indian Law
While the Supreme Court was hearing a petition for legalising same-sex marriages in India and the Bar Council has opposed it, Sangtani feels that things are still looking up for LGBTQ+ couples.
In the past, Tanisha (Tanisha RK Says Sex Ed. Is About Pleasure) opened up about how all three of them cannot exist as partners in equal capacity, therefore, they started Sangya. Its official documents recognise them as decision-makers in equal positions.
However, Sangtani also felt that the ground reality is quite different. But people now have an understanding of the spectrum of sexuality.
“It was eight or nine years ago when Ashish and I became a poly couple. I did not know anyone else who had such a relationship. However, in the past couple of years, people have come forward and expressed how they are not in a monogamous relationship.”
Creating A Safe Space To Explore Sexuality
In the last interview, Mehrotra said he realised that he was bisexual after being married to Sangtani. To this, she said that the first thing that crossed her mind was, “You did not tell me this sooner, does that mean I did not create a safe space for you to talk about this? Were you not comfortable talking to me about it?”
She also said that it was Mehrotra’s happiness which mattered to her a lot. She was never insecure or had a fear of him being with other people. “By that time, it happened, we were already a poly couple. I did not see it as a reflection of his love for me or our relationship,” she further added.
Sangtani was never concerned that Mehrotra would leave her. She was more focused on creating a safe space for him to communicate. “How do I make it comfortable and safe for you to talk about it?” she asked him.
Exploring Gender Identity
Sangtani started exploring her gender identity after being with Mehrotra. “It was my first safe relationship,” she added. She was able to be herself in his company. “It was fairly late in my life, but I am glad that it happened.”
There was a struggle during her childhood for her. She was told certain things about her biological identity, which is the extent of sex education when she was young. Searching for information online and collecting data from various other sources also happened late for Sangtani. She agreed that now kids have more information to explore on the internet, and it is a boon for them.
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‘I Barely Expect People To Understand Poly (Polyamory)’
In our last conversation with Tanisha, they said that people hardly recognise that they and Sangtani have their relationship on the side apart from what they share individually with Mehrotra (Aashish Mehrotra: Making Sex Education And Sex Tools Accessible). However, now both of them just laugh about it.
“I barely expect people to understand polyamory,” she added. Sangtani also does not expect people to understand what kind of relationship she shares with Tanisha. She knows that the relationship the three of them share is pretty solid. Her only aim was to make Tanisha feel comfortable and not like an outsider.
She said most people have been raised to believe that the right relationship is what a man and woman share. “Due to this conditioning, it is difficult for them to empathise and understand that something can exist out of that construct or what happens outside a heterosexual relationship,” Sangtani added.
“When you have the support of your loved ones, everything else ceases to matter,” she said while speaking about how society perceives their relationship. Regardless of what a person does in life, there will be people who would disagree or showcase their disappointment. Sangtani said, “You cannot keep everyone happy.”
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Pleasure Via Tools
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With more and more sex toys flooding the market, people are now realising that they are not only for self-pleasure. A couple can use it simultaneously and can explore more about pleasure in their private space.
“A lot of people buy pleasure toys for their friends,” Sangtani said. Adding that it surprised the trio when they first started selling sex toys, she said that as there are more and more such toys available and accessibility is increasing, people have options to explore, and they want to do it for the sake of their as well as their partner’s pleasure. They have stopped seeing toys as a threat to their relationship.
Sangtani shared a few tips for people who want to use a sex toy,
- Use a mild cleaner with warm water to clean the toy
- Must not use soaps to clean the device
- Never share the toy
- Use a condom for hygiene purposes
- Use lubricant for a smooth pleasurable ride
For more such stories, stay tuned to HerZindagi for more.
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