My now-ex boyfriend’s favourite pastime was not playing football. It was earnestly arguing for any rhyme or reason. He would argue about anything and everything, just to see me react negatively while he egged me on. I knew he did it intentionally, but I would still feel angry at his behaviour. He would giggle, while I would scorn.
Recently, I learnt that this kind of tactic is called rage baiting. Originally, a term with roots in the social media era, rage-baiting evolved from the broader concept of clickbait. While clickbait aims to generate traffic with sensational headlines, rage-baiting specifically uses emotionally charged, often inflammatory, content to provoke anger and outrage. This deliberate manipulation of emotion is a highly effective strategy for increasing engagement on platforms where algorithms reward controversial content.
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If you’ve ever dated someone who deliberately presses your buttons just to watch you explode, congratulations—you’ve met a rage baiter. It’s the partner who starts debates at dinner for the drama, or makes barbed ‘jokes’ about things you’ve already told them hurt. Rage-baiting is when someone deliberately pokes at your boundaries, not because they care about the issue, but because they’re addicted to the adrenaline rush of your reactions.
At first, it might feel like chemistry. They’re passionate! They care! They don’t let conversations fizzle into awkward silences! But scratch beneath the surface and what you have is not connection—it’s chaos. And in 2025, we’ve already had enough—making rage-baiting not the quirky new love language, but a real red flag.
Conflict can be intoxicating. Your heart races, your voice rises and suddenly the room is crackling with energy. For some, that high gets misread as closeness. “At least we’re not boring”, they think. And yes, compared to a partner who barely speaks, the sparring might feel electric. But, there’s a difference between healthy debate and someone baiting you into anger because they don’t know how else to connect.
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We’ve also been trained by pop culture to equate volatility with romance. Think of every enemies-to-lovers trope, every couple who screams one minute and kisses the next. Think 10 Things I Hate About You (1999), where Patrick constantly mocks Kat to melt her cold heart. Or Karan and Rhea from Hum Tum (2004), who endlessly provoke each other, only to fall in love at the end. Even in Friends, Chandler Bing is known for his sarcasm, and avoids serious situations. When things get too heavy, he retorts back with a joke. While on-screen this drama sells, IRL it corrodes trust. The truth is passion doesn’t have to mean pain.
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Rage-baiting can be subtle at first. It might look like:
The common thread? Your discomfort is the punchline.
If you’re caught in a rage-bait loop, the first step is recognising it’s not a ‘you’ problem—it’s a dynamic. Healthy relationships thrive on safety, not constant bickering. Setting boundaries helps (“I won’t engage in conversations where I feel mocked”), but sometimes the bigger boundary is choosing to walk away.
Therapists often recommend breaking the cycle by refusing to provide the ‘reward’. If rage-baiting is about reaction, then not giving that reaction is like cutting off the oxygen supply. Easier said than done, of course—but worth practicing.
Instead of rage-baiting, seek partners who speak in care, not chaos. Who text back because they want to, not because they’re baiting you into chasing. Who can disagree without disrespect. Who understand that intimacy doesn’t have to be loud to be real.
In the end, rage-baiting is a red flag. And you deserve better than chaos marketed as care.
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